Filed under: Internet, Web services, Social Software
Want to commit Facebook suicide? No, really, there's an app for that!
Ah, suicide. A contentious topic. But let's face it: shit happens. Sometimes it all just gets a bit too much. You're being poked on all fronts by parents, coworkers and your local parish priest -- there's no way out. Drunken, debauched photos of you are being ruthlessly tagged. You can't stop hitting F5 in case the boy you like updates his status -- I must be first to 'like' his status!!! It all mixes and congeals into something truly monstrous -- and addictive.
Let's face it, social networking, in its current, vacuous, self-adulatory and time-wasting form is a bit sad. Wouldn't it be nice to just... get away? For ever? PERMANENTLY?
Well I bring good news, there's an app for that: The Web 2.0 Suicide Machine.
What it does is... well... it kills your entire social presence on the Internet. Blammo. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace -- all gone in the blink of an eye. Your life(stream) literally flashes before your eyes as the Suicide Machine kills your friends and deletes your account. If you want to know more there's even a (really odd) introductory video at the end of this story.
But it gets worse: I can't imagine why -- really, this smells more than a little nefarious -- but Facebook hates apps or groups that condone social suic-- unfriending. Apparently there was a Burger King promotion that rewarded you with a free Whopper if you went through with a 'Whopper Sacrifice' and unfriended 10 people -- it quickly got banned. I'm sure they must have a good reason for shooing people away from the unfriend button. I just can't think of one that isn't really, really creepy.
Over 100 years ago, Ambrose Bierce wrote on the subject of unfriending -- or 'disintroductions' as he called them. It never really took off, probably due to importance of society back then. Surely contemporary society is different; surely it's time to load up Madame Guillotine and begin the unfriending Revolution?
One day soon your entire list of friends will be automatically generated by Facebook's algorithms. Heck, we're not far off Facebook automatically Googling your name and importing the details it finds -- schools, health records, employment history and so on. You will be friends with your old school friends whether you like it or not.
You'll log in each day to find out which new friends you've been match-made with. No effort, no problem. Everyone will live in a spoon-fed, computer-assisted, social utopia positively full to overflowing with pokes and FarmVille.
And then the machine will stop.
The Illusionist's Dream is a simple platformer; you play as a magician who needs to get through each level by transforming into any number of animals that you encounter along the way.
Each animal can do different things; the butterfly can obviously fly, but if it encounters a frog, the frog eats it, and you have to start over again. There's also a fox that runs fast and leaps far, but it eats any rabbits that cross its path. That means that, if you may need to be a rabbit later on, you need to take that into account ...
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
casey said 2:00PM on 12-24-2009
lmao..... well... this oughta be a hit for the holidays
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Sebastian Anthony said 2:47PM on 12-24-2009
Just doing my bit for festive cheer...
*peels back the top on his microwave meal*
Mimzy said 9:00PM on 12-24-2009
"But it gets worse: I can't imagine why -- really, this smells more than a little nefarious -- but Facebook hates apps or groups that condone social suic-- unfriending."
Really? This doesn't surprise me at all. Of course Facebook provides a way for users to delete their accounts if they so choose, but it's in the best interest of any company to try and discourage people from leaving the service or sabotaging it by "unfriending" people. Facebook needs users in order to function, and it needs those users to have friends on the site. Why should a web app have to do anything BUT "hate" apps and groups that attempt to sabotage it?
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cchatdaniels said 5:16PM on 2-18-2010
Why does Facebook need users to have undeletable friends? How does deleteing friends sabotage the service? Certainly it's not as profitable to not have vast marketing databases from friending available to them, but it's kinda like a mailman who reads your mail. Yes I want mail from mom to get to me, but I don't need someone keeping track of who I send and receive mail from and how often!
Bruce Arnold said 6:36PM on 1-08-2010
SOCIAL NETWORKING IS JUST AN ESCAPE FOR SHEEPLE WHO CANNOT COPE WITH HARSH REALITIES LIKE THIS:
Another False Flag Op: Black Bloomer Bomber Bungle is Bogus. Following the preordained pathway and modus operandi of his predecessor, USA Puppet President Barack "MoDubya" Obama has declared that 23-year-old banker’s son and black bloomer bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab had ties in Yemen to "al-Qaeda", the CIA-fabricated global network of boogeymen whose "terrorist cells" conveniently pop up wherever and whenever "they"--the consortium of Wall Street Banksters, Peak Oil Gangsters, and Military--Industrial Profiteers who rule America–need an excuse to take away the rights, resources, livelihoods and lives of yet another sovereign nation. But choose your source, left or right, the message in the links below is the same: After secretly evacuating Yemen's Jews from harm’s way (WSJ tinyurl[dot]com/yhtf4mc), on Christmas Day 2009 "they"--most likely through intelligence operatives--staged the failed attempt at Amsterdam's Schiphol airport to blow up Detroit-bound Delta Airlines flight 253, using that pitiful London-educated Nigerian patsy to provide the pretext for both (a) extending the Patriot Act and (b) expanding our global war for peak oil and profit into Yemen. More: tinyurl[dot]com/false-flag-yemen
Reality check courtesy of Miami web design firm http://PervasivePersuasion.com
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