Alternate marketing slogans for Windows 7
Normally, I wouldn't do this. A source deep within Microsoft -- who just happened to owe me a favor -- passed along a list of new Windows marketing slogans which, for one reason or another, just didn't make the cut. After careful consideration and soul searching, I've decided to release them to the public.
Frankly, I think a few of them deserved more contemplation.
- Really, it's better this time. We swear.
- Because owning a Mac is just one step away from drinking lattes at a Green Party tweetup.
- Come on! It's not that complicated.
- We shower, and we don't wear Birkenstocks.
- We're still on liver number one.
- 7 is a lucky number, right?
- Still the choice among pimply teenaged gamers.
- More stable and easier to use than your last girlfriend.
- WIndows 7: because the Mayans say none of us will live to see the next version anyway.
- Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down.
Chromatic is one of the best time-wasters I've recently come across. It's all about the gameplay -- no Flash graphics here. You play a "circle" (it doesn't really have a name in the game). You move around with the arrow keys, and you change colors with Z, X, and C.
You can either be red, blue, or yellow, and you can switch at any time during the game. Each color has different capabilities -- yellow can double-jump, while red has a longer dash (which is like a forward sprint, activated by double-pressing DOWN).
Each ...
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
ZeRo said 4:57PM on 8-29-2009
Random?
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Thomas Maier said 5:31AM on 8-30-2009
I like that one: "We're still on liver number one." :D
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ericloewe said 5:30PM on 8-29-2009
The last one does have some potential...
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Matias Korhonen said 6:19PM on 8-29-2009
Perhaps, but even marketing departments aren't allowed to tell bare-faced lies.
ericloewe said 6:32PM on 8-29-2009
There's always the good old asterisk followed by a lengthy disclaimer about how software is provided as-is and stuff
ColumnBreak said 6:57PM on 8-29-2009
Slow news day, I suppose...
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Kevin said 8:05PM on 8-29-2009
Feh. Leave comedy to...you know...comedians. I don't go to Chris Rock for tech news.
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slander said 9:08PM on 8-29-2009
Funny, I don't go to Chris Rock for comedy, either...
Grant Robertson said 11:59PM on 8-29-2009
Aw, Kevin, that's so sweet! I'm not sure if I should take that as a complement to my comedy, my tech writing, or both. Whichever it was, you've totally made my day!
Here's more of my comedy. I'm going to call you my number one fan from now on, k?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2Ixj89hXww
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNK150lfjcM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YngLEy1IX6w
I'd also like to point out that -- just as you've never gone to Chris Rock for tech news -- I've never asked your mother for advice on personal hygiene. The difference is, I'm just going to chalk that one up to co-incidence. I mean, Chris Rock *might* be a fantastic tech news blogger, do we really know he isn't?
xoxoxo,
Granty
sitruc said 2:02AM on 8-30-2009
Things rarely turn out well for bloggers who respond to negative reaction with negativity. This isn't an exception.
Most simply don't find the post funny. The videos in your response didn't help the cause either, Grant. Perhaps I should outline what isn't funny in a youtube video and post it here so you have a better understanding. Of course I'm not a comedian though.
Kevin said 2:07AM on 8-30-2009
Wow, that was a very unprofessional, reckless post from someone who works for a company as large as AOL. Looks like I struck a nerve. You're not funny, and the whole tech writer as gag writer thing is as stale as the LOLcat graphic on your website's front page.
I wonder what AOL would have to say about your response here, attacking someone's mom (oh so original and classy) like an intellectually-limited 12 year old would.
Kevin said 2:14AM on 8-30-2009
And, to add, if one were to toss the stones about the hygiene of another person's close family member, you'd think it wouldn't be initiated by someone as obese as Mr. Robertson, according to those videos.
You really owe someone an apology (if not to me, then to anyone who wasted time reading even a fraction of this article). I don't know who's in charge of DownloadSquad, although I may find out soon, but what you responded with was uncalled for, petty and really not funny in any sense.
elle said 5:10AM on 8-30-2009
Wow, Fugly Friday isn't just a Download Squad feature, it's Grant's approach to life.
polobunny said 5:55PM on 8-30-2009
I freaking lol'ed. Thank you Grant for your considerate replies and Kevin for hitting that nerve.
I'll answer anyway Grant. You're being just as childish for heckling him back as you say it. I'm sure your mom taught you this.
Meme spouting moment: LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE
Grant Robertson said 12:20PM on 8-31-2009
It is unfortunate that what was supposed to be a lighthearted weekend post has degenerated into an area not even remotely related to its subject.
Kevin, I apologize for my implicit remark about your mother. My other comments stand. Let's leave it at that and in the interest of moving forward, I'm closing this thread.
Evenio said 9:35PM on 8-29-2009
Wait, then will Windows 8 be version 6.2 or version 7? Or will they just skip the actual Windows 7 altogether, QuickTime X-style?
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Streetlight said 10:13PM on 8-29-2009
Love the Latte Sipping Green Party comment linked to Obama...so appropriate
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kojo87 said 3:11AM on 8-30-2009
would have been better if it linked to a Nader page
The Birkenstock one made me chuckle.
Grant Robertson said 4:40AM on 8-30-2009
Why do you keep taking ad hominem shots at me? What I wrote was an attempt to illustrate the absurdity of your comment.
I didn't cast any direct aspersions on your mother. Given that you've already established -- being obese -- I'm not capable of qualitative statements about hygiene, I'm not sure why my personal opinion of your mom would matter one way or the other. More on that in just a sec.
What exactly qualifies someone as a comedian and, who nominated you to be the thin bland line protecting the public from a marginally funny blogger?
Your original comment was clearly a very rude attempt to take the "fine" out of my day. That's pretty lousy. If you heckle me, why should I be prohibited from heckling you back?
Remind me again, which one of us is being childish?
And yes, as referenced above, you've made a brilliant observation; All fat people display substandard personal hygiene. We're slovenly, lazy, unkempt, undisciplined and, mentally? Quite a bit slower than all the rest of you. Fortunately, it's also *very* easy to see us coming and we can't run very fast.
Pro tip: In the event that one of us should get a lucky shot at sharing our distasteful hygienic habits with you, we're also easily distracted. Just drop something shinny -- or a Hostess Twinkee -- as you run away. We're pretty likely to forget all about why we're chasing you.
I think it's pretty obvious why you're picking on me. You should really drop this charade and just ask me out already. I totally don't have the cooties or anything.
Disclaimer: I am a very expensive dinner date. Please bring a credit card, some sort of poncho or splash guard, and a change of clothes sealed in a plastic bag. Trust me, you'll be happy you did.
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Streetlight said 12:04PM on 8-30-2009
+1 for Grant