Skip to Content

Submit your nominations for the Luxist Awards' Best in Decor
AOL Tech

Filed under: Fugly Friday

Fugly Friday - The Solutions Network


I didn't think it was possible to fall out of the ugly tree and actually hit every branch on the way down. I thought that was just a figure of speech. One of those idiomatic expressions we use to describe something without really describing it. The Solutions Network proved I have a thing or two to learn about metaphors.

Imagine a site so jumbled with affiliate links, so riddled with primary colors, so overbearing in its use of tables -- filling every last inch of visible space with something you could click on, NOW! -- that any pretense of goodwill towards your fellow man you've ever held evaporates like so much dew from the top layer of a landfill in the morning sun.

It's a trainwreck of html, a prank played entirely in font tags. It simply must be.

The only thing the designer failed to use is BLINK. I'm going to guess that failure was either an intentional oversight -- one tiny concession to good taste in a sea of disgust -- or that he was so overwhelmed by the site himself that he fell dead at the keyboard before adding that one last cardinal sin of bad web design.

But wait, there's more. Immediately after your browser loads the last site you'll ever want to visit, a voice comes booming from your speakers, proclaiming that you've reached "the busiest site on the internet!" The irony is nearly enough to kill a man.

The cherry on top? Even the favicon is animated. I'm not even sure how you'd go about animating a favicon. You know why I'm not sure? Because, even without seeing an example of an animated favicon, my brain attempts to suck my own eyeballs deep within the recesses of my skull upon the very mention -- a physiological response I can only imagine was developed through generations of evolutionary genius as a last-ditch defense mechanism to prevent serious brain damage from spreading among the population.

If The Solutions Network is your personal key to making money on the internets, I highly reccomend that you begin scouting for a sturdy cardboard box in which to live at your earliest opportunity.

[Thanks Andrew for the tip. My shrink will be sending you the bill for my next 3 visits]
jobs & resumes
iPhone developer

Groupon - Chicago, IL (6 days ago)

See More Relevant Jobs ›

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Featured Time Waster

Graveyard Shift - zombie-busting Time Waster

With Halloween fast approaching, it's a great time to get in some practice defending your territory against zombies. In Graveyard Shift, you take aim at zombies and other creepy-crawlies, blasting them into splatters of cartoony green guts. It's a casual first-person shooter, and it's very easy to get the hang of - use the mouse to aim, click to fire. Graveyard Shift has at least 15 levels, and it might even have some secret stages I haven't unlocked yet. They key to getting good at Graveyard Shift is learning to use ...

View more Time Wasters

Featured Galleries

Defective by Design, London: Protest Pictures
Microsoft Security Essentials
Chromium Pre-Alpha on CrunchBang Linux
Safari 4 Beta
10 Firefox themes that don't suck
IE8 RC1
Download Squad at the Crunchies After-Party
Download Squad at the Crunchies
WordPress 2.7
Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals
Windows 7 Hands On
Comodo Internet Security
Android First-look: Amazon.com MP3 Store
Android First-look: Twitroid
Google Reader Android
Android Hands-On
Twine 1.0
Photoshop Express Beta
Mozilla Birthday Cake
Palm stuff
Adobe Lightroom 1.1

 


Follow us on Twitter!

Flickr Pool

www.flickr.com

More Tech Coverage

AOL Radio