Filed under: Fun, Internet, Humor
If web browsers were The Super Friends...
"I must be reading too many blog posts," I said to myself, "because I'm starting to imagine the characters as web browsers." As the train of thought steamed ahead unimpeded, here's what I came up with.
Firefox as Batman
Like the Dark Knight, Firefox doesn't actually have super powers. What he does have is experience, a little kung fu, and a vast arsenal of tools he can clip to his belt before heading into battle. I don't know if any evildoer really killed Firefox's parents, but you sure don't hear much from Netscape anymore.
Unlike Batman, however, Firefox is actually good friends with The Penguin.
Flock as Robin
Following in Firefox's footsteps in its quest to be a full-fledged hero, Flock may have to be content with a supporting role forever. "Holy overlooked sidekicks! I know how to use all those gadgets, too!" shouts Flock, but few listen. Most people find his costume a little gaudy.
Don't worry, little guy. Those who like you really, really like you, so keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.
Chrome as The Flash
There's a lot to be said for being speedy, and Chrome is getting faster all the time. Gadgets aren't required when you can zip through labyrinthine web page code at mind-blowing speeds. The laws of physics? Who needs those when you can pull off awesome stunts like www.chromeexperiments.com.
Some people don't like what's going on with his costume, what with the little tabs right at the top of his head.
Internet Explorer as Superman
To the general public, Explorer is still the most recognizable member of the team. He's bigger and stronger in version 8, and he leaps over compatibility lists in single bound. Web slices give him x-ray vision, and he can make the internet go back in time by visiting archive.org - much easier than flying around the planet in a counter-rotational direction.
Intense Javascript is his Kryptonite, bringing IE to his knees when there's too much around.
Safari as Wonder Woman
She's sexy, fast, and nimble. On the minus side, she's got some big vulnerabilities and it'd be great if she would stop trying to invite other Amazons to the Hall of Justice (like Quicktime, Bonjour, etc.).
Also, that invisible jet is just plain stupid. No browser joke there, I just always hated that thing.
Opera as Firestorm
Opera can turn anything into a web browser task - reading email and news, managing torrents, running desktop widgets - yet he's still not really taken seriously as a member of the team. Maybe that's because his power is a little too all-encompassing and the general public thinks he's kind of ridiculous.
Lunascape as The Wonder Twins
A real shape shifter, Lunascape can utilize the power of the Webkit, Trident, and Gecko rendering engines. It tries really hard to be a useful member of the team, but the bizarre combination of abilities usually comes off looking more like Hanna-Barbera shtick than real superpowers at work.
"Lunascape powers, activate! Shape of IE7! Form of Gecko!"
"What the hell is this monkey doing here?!"
related link: be sure to visit SuperDickery.com for some fantastically dumb comic book covers.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Rohit Kapur said 2:54PM on 4-01-2009
"Also, that invisible jet is just plain stupid. No browser joke there, I just always hated that thing."
BEST line of the whole article. :D
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plasalai said 2:27PM on 4-02-2009
i concur 100% with that
+1
Todd said 3:49PM on 3-30-2009
Internet Explorer is actually The Hulk, not Superman.
Weak and mild mannered until given a page is can't render, then gets confused, then angry, then becomes destructive and uncontrollable.
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Alex M said 11:09AM on 3-31-2009
IE as Hulk is pretty good, but Hulk is in the Marvel Universe, and therefore not part of the Super Friends.
Anybody want to make a Web Browsers as The Avengers post?
Muffin_man said 3:59PM on 3-30-2009
Cute.
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Daniel said 4:36PM on 3-30-2009
Todd,
That makes no sense first off - out of the box without any add-ons IE is the most powerful (if you count features) Second off-The hulk was not a superfriend and he wasn't even DC - Hulk is Marvel and Superman/ Super Friends are DC. Sorry think again.
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6m4r71n32 said 11:11PM on 3-30-2009
JAJA..then IE is Bizarro...
Deadpan said 4:36PM on 3-30-2009
I was going to suggest that Internet Explorer was Aquaman. He's pretty much useless except in certain situations tailored for him. and he can be taken out by any half-assed villain.
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TheFalcon said 4:43PM on 3-30-2009
Underrated and extremely powerful... I guess that works for Opera, but a better one would be Green Lantern. He has a powerful tool that can do "anything", but is not as well known as the others.
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jaredwork said 9:18PM on 3-30-2009
Blackbird as Black Vulcan
No one really remembers him, nor does he do anything that isn't already done by at least seven other heroes, but he fills a niche that supposedly needed to be filled.
"'Black Vulcan' was Aquaman's idea, and I said, 'well, maybe we should just call you White Fish!'"
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whiskey said 3:08AM on 3-31-2009
Funny, I really thought that Internet Explorer was indeed Bizarro rather than Superman... You know, everyone thinks he's Superman until they see how stupid, evil and mean spirited he actually is (also worth noting: Bizarro also thinks he's better than everyone).
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sidewinder12s said 2:00PM on 3-31-2009
Wow, i found that and the comments way too funny. Ya, IE is not Superman, something that is slow and annoying to work with.....
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Arturo said 2:46PM on 3-31-2009
As usual, no Maxthon.
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newmiyamoto said 5:18PM on 4-03-2009
Exactly.
I guess Maxthon would be Martian Manhunter. All the powers of superman plus more. One of the original super friends with all the things that the later ones bring to the table far in advance of the new comers. Neglected and misunderstood by writers even though he is easily one of the smartest and most powerful of all of them.