Forumwarz - a potentially offensive time waster

by Christina Clark Aug 25th 2008

After spending the better part of an hour on Forumwarz I still can't decide if it's just sick or if it's kind of fun. It's a bit like a car wreck on the highway. I know I shouldn't be looking but I can't quite turn away.

It's sick, it's twisted, it's the internet on it's worst level and darn it, it's kind of fun. At least for a little while.

Forumwarz is a parody role-playing game that takes place on the internet - or at least the Forumwarz version of it. Your goal is to complete missions that are given to you through a mock up of GoogleTalk called Sentrillion.

Your first "friend" is ShallowEsophagus who begins giving you missions to pwn various forums by being a troll. Depending on the character type you are assigned at start up, you have tools like drooling on the keyboard or bashing your head on the keyboard that you can use to destroy forum threads and eventually, pwn a forum.

Future missions involve buying illegal software from the Russians, pwning more difficult forums and other internet oddness.

Completing missions gives you cash, called Flezz in game, and items that you can pawn or use in other missions. The game is NOT for those easily offended. It's crass, coarse and there are frequent f-bombs in the fake chat sessions.

This is also a game for a more mature audience as it requires you to shop at the Drugs R Fun store to get various concoctions to improve your playing, engage in certain cyber activities to get more Flezz and just generally use a more adult perspective.

If you can get past that, here are the more enjoyable and time-wasting aspects.

Once you pass the first level of the game you can choose from three player types - the camwhore, emokid or troll. Each gives you certain forum crashing powers. Each also requires certain types of remedies from Drugs R Fun to keep them going. The emokid for example, has to be well stocked in tears to keep things moving.

The game has a lot of layers that I am sure I didn't uncover in my few hours of playing time.

A few tips:

If you want to play straight through and not wait for your forum visiting privileges to reset (you only get 4 to 6 visits in a 24 hour period) you can pay $5 (US) for 69 forum visits which pretty much keeps you moving through the game. You will lose the opportunity to be on the leaderboards and such for the actual game once you cheat like that though.
If you SentrillionTalk (sTalk) with CutiePie12xo remember he's an old guy, who says he's a little girl. He'll give you a photo that will help somewhere else.
Keep an eye on your character page for "tubmail" which is your in game email and is how you receive gifts and important information and contacts.

Each mission you complete adds to your E-Peen ranking. I'll let you figure that one out yourself. The more missions you complete, the more difficult they become. And, the more you are confronted with new friends who seem to have conflicting and confusing interests.

All in all, Forumwarz is kind of fun in a rather sick and twisted way. You get to pwn forums full of old people talking about dentures and indulge yourself in replying to internet spammers.

Update: I put in about 6 or 7 hours of on again off again playing over a weekend and managed to complete Episode 1 of Forumwarz. And honestly, I was kind of sad since now I have to wait for Episode 2 before I can play again.

Tags: forumwarz, pwn, pwnage, timewaster

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

MrMan said 3:15PM on 8-25-2008

I finished Episode 1 months ago.
There are other games you can do on the site but once you finish episode 1 its boring to log in and keep pwning the same fourms over and over...

kingdom of loathing is a much better time waster.

Acariquara said 10:33AM on 8-26-2008

God. I feel awful for getting the GNAA reference there.

Jalapeno Bootyhole said 1:41PM on 8-26-2008

Hey, thanks for the review! We're glad you found it fun, even if only to a limited extent.

We think you'll appreciate Episode 2: There's going to be a ton of great new content, and the subject matter gets away from some of the "sick and twisted" stuff and into something a tiny bit more cerebral.

Actually, we didn't think people on the 'net still get offended by anything! Maybe we should be proud?

Cheers,
Jalapeno Bootyhole
Chief Imagineering Officer, Forumwarz

Featured Time Waster

Civiballs is a beautiful, soothing physics puzzle Time Waster

I have an absolute weakness for physics games, and while Civiballs isn't the strongest physics-based game, what it lacks in the physics department it makes up for a few times over in style and fun.

In Civiballs, you are presented with a few colored balls, and your goal is to get those balls into the same-colored urn on the level. The "civi" part of Civiballs is that there are 3 sets of levels to play, each representing a different civilization. While the civilization doesn't affect gameplay, the artwork for each level is beautifully themed to it's appropriate era.

To play the game, you are given only one tool - a sword with which to cut the chains that are holding the balls. The puzzle part of the game is in figuring out what order, and with what timing to cut each chain. Do it right, and all the right balls end up in the right urns, with no stray balls entering an urn (a no-no). Do it wrong, and you get to start over again.

Civiballs is not terribly deep on gameplay; the entire game can be completed in about 15 minutes. But if you enjoy this type of game, it will be a very enjoyable 15 minutes.

View more Time Wasters