Filed under: Apple
Something Rotten With Apple
Some people claim to be addicted to their Apple products. Turns out it might be true. Everyone always assumed that Apple gear (iPods, Macs, iPhones, etc) have sold well because they are well built and user friendly, but a recent police investigation has determined that they are actually infused with small amounts of LSD, that the user absorbs slowly through their skin, creating a sense of wonder and euphoria. One of the first to get suspicious that something might be rotten with Apple was legendary music producer Quincy Jones. Jones, one of the world's foremost music experts, found that a song was always better when heard through his iPod than when he listened through his top of the line, outrageously expensive stereo system. "I thought maybe it was the experience of wearing headphones, isolating me from the world that made the music more incredible" says Jones. "Turns out it was because I was high as a kite." At his urging, a research team from Columbia University began testing Apple products and found the drugs were present in almost every item Apple sells -- the only notable exception, the Apple TV, which still sells poorly no matter how high the consumer base.
Scientists say that the amount of LSD absorbed through the skin is not enough to harm a human being, though it has been shown to be fatal in laboratory mice. The dose is just strong enough to make the user relaxed and happy, explaining why people become so attached to their Macs and iPods. Researchers also say this might explain the pretentiousness and strange superiority complex that almost all Mac users seem to have, though they say further study is needed to be sure.
-- Editors note. This story was edited on a Mac. Dude. Pretty colors.
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They key to getting good at Graveyard Shift is learning to use ...
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Damage said 11:30PM on 4-01-2008
I thought as much.
So psychedelic... So heartwarming... So Nice.
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J. Moore said 11:30PM on 4-01-2008
April Fools!
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TheAssailant6661 said 11:30PM on 4-01-2008
Damn, that explains the crazy dreams when listening to my iPod at night. I would've never guessed.
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keeves said 11:31PM on 4-01-2008
"Posted Apr 1st 2008 2:30PM" - after midday - I'm afraid the joke's on you!
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Rahabib said 11:31PM on 4-01-2008
wow you didnt even try to mask the april fools joke.
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Bufsabre said 11:32PM on 4-01-2008
hmmmm.... 2 problems
1) lsd isnt considered addictive
2) the date
but other than that i believe this fully
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Kevin Archibald said 11:32PM on 4-01-2008
I thought this was cleared up shortly after the great spagetti tree famine of 1957?
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Cletus Cook said 11:32PM on 4-01-2008
April foolery knows no bounds! Good one guys! I was had enough to want to post a comment.
I'm ordering my iMac today!
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James said 11:33PM on 4-01-2008
Even if this weren't an April Fools' Joke, I honestly wouldn't doubt it...
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Obvious said 11:33PM on 4-01-2008
Wow... It shows when someone who has never dosed before attempts to refer to LSDs effects... Would have had a much better hit with 3,4-MDMA (Ecstacy).
Anyways, funny article. :)
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julian said 11:35PM on 4-01-2008
dude i totally fell for it
and i call myself a neuro biology major
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Philip said 11:35PM on 4-01-2008
you got me..
iphone pwnage being discontenued dident git me..
goggle dident git me...
but you guys sure did...that was a good one...
i wonder how many others this can fool XD
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Rowena Malamud said 10:35PM on 4-01-2008
Anyone who didn't check the date right after seeing the headline just wasn't paying attention.
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Mysterius said 8:08PM on 4-01-2008
You only got me until you said LSD, which made me go "WTF?", and then I realized the date. ;)
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Xtopher Robin said 11:35PM on 4-01-2008
PFFT, 'cept that LSD isn't addictive (at least chemically). Happy April Fools!
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TheAssailant6661 said 3:18PM on 4-03-2008
Maybe they meant LCD?
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Adam Magnani said 12:03AM on 4-04-2008
Who cares where it comes from. Just keep the LSD coming. Thanks Apple.
~The Acid Heads
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Dude said 1:37AM on 4-04-2008
Bluh, I always take acid with my iPod anyway.
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