Some people claim to be addicted to their Apple products. Turns out it might be true. Everyone always assumed that Apple gear (iPods, Macs, iPhones, etc) have sold well because they are well built and user friendly, but a recent police investigation has determined that they are actually infused with small amounts of LSD, that the user absorbs slowly through their skin, creating a sense of wonder and euphoria. One of the first to get suspicious that something might be rotten with Apple was legendary music producer Quincy Jones. Jones, one of the world's foremost music experts, found that a song was always better when heard through his iPod than when he listened through his top of the line, outrageously expensive stereo system. "I thought maybe it was the experience of wearing headphones, isolating me from the world that made the music more incredible" says Jones. "Turns out it was because I was high as a kite." At his urging, a research team from Columbia University began testing Apple products and found the drugs were present in almost every item Apple sells -- the only notable exception, the Apple TV, which still sells poorly no matter how high the consumer base.
Scientists say that the amount of LSD absorbed through the skin is not enough to harm a human being, though it has been shown to be fatal in laboratory mice. The dose is just strong enough to make the user relaxed and happy, explaining why people become so attached to their Macs and iPods. Researchers also say this might explain the pretentiousness and strange superiority complex that almost all Mac users seem to have, though they say further study is needed to be sure.
-- Editors note. This story was edited on a Mac. Dude. Pretty colors.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
4-01-2008 @ 8:08PM
Mysterius said...
You only got me until you said LSD, which made me go "WTF?", and then I realized the date. ;)
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4-01-2008 @ 10:35PM
Rowena Malamud said...
Anyone who didn't check the date right after seeing the headline just wasn't paying attention.
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4-01-2008 @ 11:30PM
Damage said...
I thought as much.
So psychedelic... So heartwarming... So Nice.
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4-01-2008 @ 11:30PM
J. Moore said...
April Fools!
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4-01-2008 @ 11:30PM
TheAssailant6661 said...
Damn, that explains the crazy dreams when listening to my iPod at night. I would've never guessed.
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4-01-2008 @ 11:31PM
keeves said...
"Posted Apr 1st 2008 2:30PM" - after midday - I'm afraid the joke's on you!
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4-01-2008 @ 11:31PM
Rahabib said...
wow you didnt even try to mask the april fools joke.
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4-01-2008 @ 11:32PM
Bufsabre said...
hmmmm.... 2 problems
1) lsd isnt considered addictive
2) the date
but other than that i believe this fully
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4-01-2008 @ 11:32PM
Kevin Archibald said...
I thought this was cleared up shortly after the great spagetti tree famine of 1957?
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4-01-2008 @ 11:32PM
Cletus Cook said...
April foolery knows no bounds! Good one guys! I was had enough to want to post a comment.
I'm ordering my iMac today!
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4-01-2008 @ 11:33PM
James said...
Even if this weren't an April Fools' Joke, I honestly wouldn't doubt it...
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4-01-2008 @ 11:33PM
Obvious said...
Wow... It shows when someone who has never dosed before attempts to refer to LSDs effects... Would have had a much better hit with 3,4-MDMA (Ecstacy).
Anyways, funny article. :)
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4-01-2008 @ 11:35PM
julian said...
dude i totally fell for it
and i call myself a neuro biology major
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4-01-2008 @ 11:35PM
Philip said...
you got me..
iphone pwnage being discontenued dident git me..
goggle dident git me...
but you guys sure did...that was a good one...
i wonder how many others this can fool XD
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4-01-2008 @ 11:35PM
Xtopher Robin said...
PFFT, 'cept that LSD isn't addictive (at least chemically). Happy April Fools!
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4-03-2008 @ 3:18PM
TheAssailant6661 said...
Maybe they meant LCD?
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4-04-2008 @ 12:03AM
Adam Magnani said...
Who cares where it comes from. Just keep the LSD coming. Thanks Apple.
~The Acid Heads
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4-04-2008 @ 1:37AM
Dude said...
Bluh, I always take acid with my iPod anyway.
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