Download Squad's parent company AOL announced the acquisition of several small companies this week:

Originally intending to sue for copyright infringement, AOL decided to instead purchase the rights to AIM for Lindsay Lohan, a forked AOL instant messenger app designed by fans of the popular but troubled star. ALL was conceived by three Michigan teens who say they cobbled the program together in an effort to raise money to "help Lindsay buy a day at the spa so she can, you know, relax."

AOL also purchased Yore Aviary, an online genealogy service for African Grey Parrot owners hoping to trace their bird's ancestry. Though there are currently only 16 registered members, they make regular treks to the jungles of Africa in an ongoing effort to footprint each bird for posterity. The group made news recently when a fistfight erupted between members arguing over what type of crackers to serve at its monthly meetings.

AOL also acquired Silicon Valley startup Basar Technologies, which specializes in direct mail via USB key. According to an AOL spokesperson, future plans for Basar include bi-weekly mailings of thumb drives preloaded with AOL 9.0 to every household in America. Additional free distribution of the keys are planned via 11 other channels, including free with gasoline purchase and attached to the neck of every 20 oz. Coke product.

AOL president Ron Grant could not be reached for comment, however his office issued a brief statement saying, "ALL Yore Basar belong to us."